Episode Thirty Two: Don't Hold Them Back

OK, confession time: I'm afraid of heights. 

To be honest, I have a fear of heights in retrospect. I can climb up a ladder and I've even sky dived. But, if I think back on the event my brain thinks about all the things that could have gone wrong and I freak out. You'd think my survival instinct would kick in before the fact - but no. As a kid I used to walk across the Claudelands Bridge in Hamilton and if I think back to the view looking down, my heart races.

I don't know how this fear originated, but I am determined not to pass it on to my children. I don't like pumpkin and I'm not the biggest fan of Hootie & The Blowfish but I don't want to limit my childrens experiences because of my own fears or tastes. That might be taking New Age Parenting to epic new levels, but I feel like it's important to let your children be their own people. 

Look, I know that there is only so much I can do in the scheme of things. As parents we can't save them from having the same hair colour as us or even the same temperament as us. But, despite some studies arguing the opposite, I think there is a possibility we can save them from our own fears and limitations. We all know what impact those fears have had on our lives and if there's any way we can spare our kids, then why not give it a go? 

I remember I went to Cubs camp with my son. There was a father with his son there and he wouldn't let his boy get involved in any of the activities. No bush walks, no Burma trails at night, no climbing massive bamboo towers. The son was rearing to go but the Dad just wouldn't allow it. What was quite obvious to us, the other parents, was that the Dad was just scared. Maybe he has a bamboo phobia? Maybe he has a fear of the bush. Together we deduced that he was probably sacred of letting is son go. It can be terrifying to let your children take risks. But sometimes, you just need to feel the fear and do it anyway. In the end, we encouraged the father to try things out himself and his son was there all the way, talking him through it- reassuring him. It was an amazing moment and definitely a lesson I took away from that weekend that I use quite often.

You don't have to do anything as extreme as getting up on the roof with you children like I did. But maybe there is a small step you can make? Is there something you are afraid of or dislike that is disadvantaging your children? Are you denying them the greatness that is Hootie & The Blowfish? Are you stopping them from playing sports because you were not an athletic-type growing up? I'm not saying you're damaging your children by any means. But maybe you are closing off a little bit of the world that they may, in fact, thrive in. I may have a gifted rock climber in my midst, but if I never allow them the chance to experience climbing and getting up on the roof like a bunch of crazy people, then how will I know?

I don't want to come across as preachy and, to level with you, I'll never ever be able to mask the fact that I can't stand pumpkin. But, like anything to do with our children, to help them be the best they can be takes sacrifice. If that means grabbing the bull by the horns and facing your fears then why not give it a crack? I'll leave it up to you to decide whether it's worth it. In the end I did two things I didn't feel comfortable doing: I got up on the roof but, even worse, I got up there with my children. I think about what could have happened if they fell off the roof and broke bones and if my daughter fell off the ladder - but, it didn't happen. And they had a great time and in the end we are all better off for it.

Next week we will continue on this theme of sacrificing for the sake of our children's development. See you then and have fun!

Episode Thirty: Go Fish!

Hey Team! I missed out last week as I was in Australia for a few days and totally forgot all about you. Never mind, I'm back this week with a classic one.

I can't believe I haven't used this idea yet: Fishing! First, a little disclaimer: I'm not a fishing kind of guy. I used to go fishing now and then with my Dad when I would stay at his place. All in all I was pretty crap at it and not very patient. I remember once I caught 13 Herrings off the Kinohaku Bridge and another time I caught 8 Kahawai in a net in the Kawhia Harbour. That is about the extent of my fishing career.

But, now that I have two boys who are old enough to not run off the side of a wharf into the water below, I'm really enjoying the idea of fishing. Luckily for me, my boys seem to enjoy it. Either that or they humour me. I'm happy either way. On sunny Saturdays we try our luck and put our rag-tag collection of fishing tackle in the water to see what happens. 

We don't really have much luck and that affects the enthusiasm of these two guys, but they still stick with it. I find it's a constant struggle for them to keep their lines in the water. Every two minutes they want to check your bait - that might have something to do with our success rate.

There are so many things our children can experience in an afternoon of fishing: The practice of patience, getting their hands dirty/fishy, learning sustainable fishing practices, hand/eye coordination and the practice of patience.

We've combined a lot of our fishing outings with the local kid's fishing competitions that are held in our town. These are great because they're geared around encouraging a new generation of fisherpeople. Not only is there the promise of prizes for heaviest fish etc etc. Often times the kids will get prizes for entering or be eligible for spot prizes. The last two we have been to have had a free sausage sizzle. Good times.

My three tips for you are these:

1. Be prepared to end up doing most of the fishing yourself while your children 'just check out that boat at the other end of the wharf'. Happens every time.
2. If you do end up hooking a fish while you're holding their rod - resist the temptation to reel it in yourself. Ask them to check the bait. They'll wind in the line and voila! They've caught a fish.
3. Always have a contingency plan that involves stopping in at the local fish n chip shop to drown your sorrows. It's almost tradition, right?

Have fun!

Episode Twenty Nine: Some Ideas Fail

Last year we tried making popsicle stick bow and arrows. I can't claim this idea as my own sorry, this comes from an amazing blog called The Brooding Hen. I saw the idea on Pinterest and straight away thought my boys would love it. I was right but we got it oh so wrong.

Some times you try ideas and they don't work. I think it's really important to acknowledge that. I think it's important for me to share with you that sometimes my kids aren't into the ideas. Or we miss out an ingredient or something breaks. This was the case with our first attempt at making these bows and arrows. But that's OK.

What I've found with my sons is that if they can't nail something straight away, they're not interested. This goes for the ideas that we try sometimes or big things like learning to ride a bike. If they don't believe they can succeed first pop - or if they don't pull off a trick straight away, they're not into it. This is totally understandable, and I even get that way some times. But it's how we deal with this disappointment and disinterest that shapes our character.

The first time we tried making the bow and arrows, I didn't soak the sticks for long enough and the majority of them snapped. The ones that didn't snap, bent the wrong way and the bow string sort of twisted around in a way that made the arrows hard to launch. My bright idea that I was so excited to share with my boys was met with rolled eyes and my boys promptly moved on. Stink.

But, I decided to put the idea on the shelf and come back to it another day. You're not going to be Tony Hawk straight away. What's important though is learning that you aren't always going to be amazing first go. Some things are really hard to do and take practise. That's why we admire our sports heroes or favourite musicians. They honed their craft to a point that it makes it look easy. So easy, in fact, that you believe that it really is - until you pick up a guitar or jump on a skateboard. What I wanted to teach my sons was that, yes, some things don't work first time - but that's no reason to give up. That's no reason to never try again.

Earlier this year I dusted the idea off and we gave it another crack. The mini bow and arrows worked out perfectly and we had heaps of fun. Neither of my boys mentioned the previous failed attempt (which was weird) and we had a blast.

It just goes to show, just because you're not an expert straight off doesn't mean you never will be. Teach your kids to keep trying and who knows what they'll achieve.

Have fun!